Goodbyes Suck!!!! ~*~ Quotes That Made Me Think about him

1. People so seldom say I love you and then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, It doesn't mean I know you'll never go, Only that I wish you didn't have to.

2. Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

3. Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.

4. Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than remember me and cry.

5. Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough.

no promises ~*~

I can't promise you perfection, because that's not who I am. I can't promise you forever, because I don't hold fate in my hands. I can't promise you the sunshine, because there will always be rain. I can't promise you complete happiness, because with true love, there comes pain. I can't promise you I'll always smile, because life always finds a way to make me cry. I can't promise you I'll stay strong, because it's not easy to want to give life another try. I can't promise you this life will always be fair, but I can promise you that no matter what, when you look back, I'll always be there.

Something For Adam...

A touch, soft and tender.
A whisper, full of desire
A gasp of sweet surrender
As passion fuels the fire

No words spoken between them
No promises to be kept
No lies being told tonight
No looking back - no regrets

Longing to hold each other
Such precious little time
Both vowed to another
Being lonely their only crime

No words spoken between them
No promises to be kept
No lies being told tonight
No looking back - no regrets

Tomorrow bringing sorrow
A brief moment of shame
With the memory of this one night
A release from passion's flames

Secret Feelings ~*~

This hidden feeling, I don't know what to do,
Why on earth do I feel this way about you?
It's a forbidden feeling, I seriously shouldn't have,
I don't know whats wrong with me, am I going mad?

I get so confused, you're always in my head,
You're the person I think about before I go to bed.
I should not feel this way about you,
I know it is wrong, but what can I do?

The more I see you, the stronger I feel,
But deep down I know it shouldn't be real.
I don't want to think about you, the way I do,
I can barely even concentrate whenever I'm near you.

This secret feeling it's driving me insane,
The way I feel whenever I hear your name.
I really don't want to feel this way,
Why are you on my mind day after day?

You're on my mind, when you really shouldn't be,
I know you'd never feel the same about me.
So why can't I stop? Why is this feeling so strong?
I can never tell anyone, they would think it is wrong.

It's crazy and insane the way you make me feel,
You're not even my age, this feeling shouldn't be real.
What can I do? What would you say?
If you knew that I felt that way?

I don't understand why I feel so comfortable around you,
It makes me nervous that you know what I'm going through.
I know I should ignore it, but it's driving me insane,
I don't get why I blush whenever I hear your name.

I seriously don't know what to do,
How am I going to get over you?
I have to do this, these feelings have to end,
It doesn't matter if you're making my heart mend!

Remember every Memory

The Darkness comes to cover over me,
Shadows run to take hold of me,

I'm not afraid of what I cannot see,
I'm just to scared to set my mind free,

I fight the hand of a minute clock as it tic's and slowly toc's I can't escape my lonely thoughts of...

You came and left an impression that won't go... away, Now you've gone away, I remember every memory,

In my waking nightmare at least I know where I am,
But as I start to drift the memories flood in,

And If I close my eyes your impressions all I see,
If I try to sleep my dreams will haunt me,

Some nights i wish to be put to rest,
So I can't feel this emptiness,
I wish, could fix, still miss...

You came and left an impression that won't go... away, Now you've gone away, I remember every memory,

Every memory reminds me that you've gone away,
that your gone away... That your...

Your gone, Just alive in my dreams,
Your gone, Just a line in my song,
Just alive in my heart,

My fading heart feels like it's
Going, going, gone.

Pain Killers

One, two, three pain killers

Wash it down with water

Wait anxiously for it to kick in

But it never will

Because this isn't the same kind of pain

The type that slowly ceases to exist

No, it's a different kind of pain

A real blunt unexplainable ache

It doesn't reside in one specific location

But rather all over your body

And it lingers,

It refuses to resign from exerting this vile sensation

Because it enjoys it

It enjoys watching you suffer

So go ahead, pop open that bottle of Advil,

Of Tylenol, of Vicodin, of Morphine

Take as many as you want

Hell, overdose if you want

But that pain, that ache, that agony

Is not one that can be washed away

With five 325mg Percocet

Instead, it is an affliction that wears you down

Until nothing is left of you

But skin, bone, and senselessness

I miss you (Carnalita)

I need you
I need you like sea needs fish,
I need you like salt needs pepper
I need you like everyone needs an outlet,
Mine was you..

How could you leave me, how could you have died so young
when i need you,
Gonna let you in on a little secret..
I miss you so much every day.

Worst Feeling

The worst feelings in life:
-Being told someone is better than you.
-Knowing that you're being lied to.
-Letting yourself be beat down.
-Crying hard.
-Losing someone close.
-Watching yourself fade away.
-Falling apart because you're alone.
-Being alone because you're falling apart.
-Hating yourself.
-Not being good enough.
-Being told that you are fat.
-Breaking up.
-Falling out of love.
-Being used.
-Being made fun of.
-Changing for someone else.
-Realizing that he doesn't love you.
-Falling asleep alone when he should be next to you

Goodbye to my best friend

I write this in your memory...

You saw right through the mask I wore
Heard the truth behind my muffled words
You gave me hope when I had none
And held me high when I pushed myself down

I swore we'd be together forever
Always creating new and better memories
A lasting bond that only we could share
Like sisters from the same family

But like all good things, this had to end
Lies and deception began to replace the love
Hatred grew behind your eyes everyday
Until our bond was torn apart, forever

If I cried, would you care?
If I screamed, would you hear me?
Do you dream of me when you sleep?
Do you still see my face behind your eyes?

It's hard to move forward
Knowing tougher days are ahead
I never imagined going through life
Without my best friend at my side

Goodbye.

Mistake (for Russ)

I thought I could do this; start believing in you,
But you hurt me so much, I just don't know what else to do.
I don't want to see you, I'm afraid I may break.
I should have known all along; I was making a mistake.

I don't even know why I bothered to try,
I knew all along you'd be the one to make me cry.
I should have realized you were all the same,
But why is it so hard to even say your name?

You were the only one I decided to let in,
When people ask "what happened?", I won't know where to begin.
I thought I could trust you, but boy was I wrong,
I have to pretend, and I have to be strong.

I can't think about you, I have to keep myself together,
It doesn't matter that I thought you would be in my life forever.
I have to be strong, I can not cry,
I have to avoid your gaze, I can not look you in the eye.

Things will be hard, you were helping me through,
But no longer do I have any trust within you.
I have to pretend, I won't let anybody else in,
You were the one that broke me, I guess you win.

I shouldn't let it get to me, but I thought you truly cared,
I don't know if I trust you with all of the secrets I shared.
I can not explain how angry I feel,
I still don't believe that any of this is real.

The words you said, always cross my mind,
But why the hell can't I leave you behind?
I need to forget you, I have to let go,
I can't do this anymore; just thought you should know.

Fall

The drizzle of the fall rain comes down,
It cools, it soothes, taking away the summer;
The leaves fall, it's now autumn's domain,
And the insects and amphibians bid farewell.

A tilt of the Earth, 20 billion times the seasons have changed,
The creatures have grown and evolved and died out;
Life goes on, aging into infirmity in the dying season,
Making way for the crushing blow of winter

Left for dead

Darkness falls upon me,I am surrounded by the shadows
My skin is covered and consumed

The darkness is taking control
with each step that I take I feel it sucking me in
slowly grasping onto all that is wrong and all that is not right

It has me in its grasp as I watch the darkness absorb me
eating slowly through my body taking every inch of my life
I cry out..Help me I beg,this is eating me alive

but I am unheard no one there to hear My screams
My whispers My sorrow and pleas
The darkness almost has fully taken over me

I can feel my insides transitioning into all that is
unholy I'm feeling so unclean as my thoughts begin
to blur images begin to appear of things
that can only be described as disturbing

..but as the darkness takes control I see a sudden light
shine through all that was taken from me ..
A light gleams and for a second I can feel its warmth
on my skin.. it makes my body tingle and my
heart sing a tune but it is one that does not last long

At last the darkness hides my gleaming hope & I can only live to wonder
if there is a chance to start a fire if there is a chance for light to shine through
could there be..will I ever know?

I feel Darkness..I live Darkness
I am Darkness...

Let my Light shine!

Broken forever more

You Think You Can Heal Me,
Break Down These Fuckin Walls?
As you look at this Blade,
I so Lovingly Bestow
You think you want to know,
What hate this soul provides?
Oh Darlin Why don't you
Jump Along for this ride.
The Lord Instilled Emotion,
All sizes shapes and Forms,
And now I give you Anger,
Enough Hostility Lucifer cannot hold.
This is what God created,
So don't you run away.
Sit your Ass right there,
Keep your eyes faced my way.
Ashes to Ashes,
And Fuckin dust to dust
I Slowly Slit These Wrist,
As your face turns to Disgust.
You see this look of Pleasure,
As it wash's over me
It's time for you to know,
You never had my heart with Thee
You were just a simple Outlet,
A Charade To keep a violent mind astray

Secret Crush (for Tim before we dated)

Have you ever heard of love at first sight? Because I think When I first saw you I knew you were the one for me,only problem was we never got a chance to meet.

I'd see you and my heart would beat faster,you would say hi sometimes and i'd reply with laughter.

We never really met though i felt a vibe between us, we'd look at each other with hearts in our eyes it must be lust.

I'd start to daydream about how it would be, if only you knew i liked you and if you liked me.

I'd snap out of my daydream and there you were again, I got up my courage to speak and made a new friend.

Although I wanted more for the moment I was pleased with this, I would daydream all the time about how it would be when we first kiss.

I'd snap out of my daydream and quickly restored myself, because for two whole minutes it was us and no one else.

I started to like you more and although I didn't think you felt the same way, I felt a vibe between us every since the first day.

The first day I saw you I liked you instantly, only problem was I was unsure if you liked me.

But one thing I hope will never change is that we could always be friends, or at least until I restore myself and find courage once again.

Courage to tell you how i feel and hope you feel the same way, but until that day comes FRIENDS IS WHAT WE'LL STAY

The Mirror

A silhouette upon the moonlight night
Spawned internally by her mind
A glance in a mirror, a shock of fright
Thoughts she daren’t leave behind
Beside herself with grief and pity
Eviscerated of her veracity

Beneath salty watermarks of ecstasy
Lurks her boiling blood-lust
Wrapped in her mirror, dramatically
Containing all within her bust,
Pale faces greet her own reflection
Slowly rotting, breeding tradition

My own inward conscious mind
Seeks her happiness without restriction
Meticulously I seek to find
Emancipation from her own condition
For I myself, amidst solitude
Reflect in that very mirror, a harrowing view

Upon the waking eye, ever in pursuit
I reach to smash and break
This mirror concealing her fortitude
To release her-to awake
So drop the mirror, turn and face
Stay a while within my warm embrace