My last Goodbye (for Tim written 2003)

I was the first to say I love you ; I knew I'd be the last , never thought are memories would be something of the past, I've tried so hard and kept coming back to you, I had so many memories of little things you do.
One thing with you that kept me strong even though I new it was wrong
I always kept a heart full of hope, even through hurt and not being able to cope.

Yeah you did things wrong and hurt me bad, but I carried on because of the love I had. So now I've moved away from where I live, with all hope that I could try and forgive, I had no choice but to leave, you tell me things and make me believe, only to find out its just another lie- then I'm sad on my own with nothing to do but cry, you've hurt me physically/mentally and crush my emotions, so much so I've probably cried a ocean.

You've acted like my heart has a thousand pieces to break, for so long I've asked you just not to be fake, so now I'm gone an I hope your happy with your space,I'm gone & I'm sure you'll find someone who can replace. The day I left was the hardest thing for me to do - my body mind and soul was still In love with you, for me leaving you was so damn hard & for you- no real words, not even a card.

I sat on the train counting the hundreds of fields I passed, thinking I can't believe how far I've gone just to try be happy at last. I haven't got a regret not a single one, because at the end of "us" I tried all that could be done. I no you'll be fine meeting others, just hope you know for along time I'll be hurt and alone just me in my covers. Every morning I wake up feeling low, I can feel it hurt- a feeling you wouldn't know. Every bad memory engraved in my head, & now its got to the point I dread going to bed.

Right now my mind is on you it won't let me replace, because every time I close my eyes I still see your face. I know you'll never again feel the same, but for the last thing you do can stop with the blame, don't hate me because you did me wrong, I've stayed for 10 months I'm damaged & tired for trying for so long, I knew what you got up to and that's why your mad- but your memories of me should not all be bad, its not something I done or a game I won- it was just real eyes recognising real lies.

One day someone will love me like I loved you ,only difference is they will love me in the same way too, you had a good thing in front of you and you didn't have a clue. No longer will you touch me, kiss me, hold me or feel me, you've put a bruise on my heart and inside its killed me. You say things but then you don't show me the same , I feel like I've been used an all I am is a game. If I'm wrong and all what I've said you don't think is unfair then asked yourself why my memories are there.

I didn't get here alone I've wrote letters,texts,poems and god knows how many times I've called your phone. Everything I done I done because I care and I kept trying knowing your feelings weren't there. Valentines day the last one we shared you gave me a card, I read it earlier although it was hard, I sat on my bed and out loud read what the card it said " The most wonderful word Ive heard you say, is the day you walked up to me and said hello" I sat there and cried because I know now my last word will be goodbye.

Maybe one day I'll be ok an get there in the end and maybe one day I can be your friend but For now as far as I can see,I'll have front of being happy but inside sad,alone,and just Me - Forever hurt- Forever try- One tear- but a forever cry- My last words to you- My Last Goodbye