Goodbye my dearest friend (for Jeremy)

The hardest part of any friendship
is when it is time to say goodbye,
and even though I wished I could make you stay,
I know I got to let you spread your wings and fly.

For life is a journey that needs to be travelled
and I am certain you'd make it through,
I just want you to know and never forget
that I will surely miss you.

So follow your heart and never give up,
as dreams and wishes do come true,
for I know that someday we'll meet again,
so never forget I will be praying for you.

Murder of Love (for Duke)

Murderer
I am hanging on to life support
And slowly I felt my pulse dropping
My heart began slowing down
I could feel the tears burning me internally
My tears precipitate like the rainfall
The tears welded up in my eyes,
Rolled down my cheek and landed on the floor
It sounded like gunshots in the distance
With this, I felt an unfamiliar spirit
It was death it was stalking me,
I began to breathe uncontrollably as I felt it grabbing me
In the most violent way possible,
I felt like life was seeping through me
I now knew what was meant by
Your life just flashed in front of you
In that moment that is what had happened
Just a few day ago me an my partner for life had the best days of our life
Laughing, smiling like little children and enjoying life
Five years, a long time and I didn’t know it ended until
My thoughts were interrupted when I saw myself standing in front of my body
It wasn’t the out of body experience I thought I had
But the resounding sound of the flat line going off
Confirmed my deepest fear.
I could hear faintly the Doctors calling out my name
I watched then my already limp body looking tear stricken and my face swollen
I looked pale and peaceful,
Did I just experience death?
How am I going to face the judgment seat?
What was I about to say about my life?
Was I going to confess to whom have murdered me?
Sin is Sin but Could I ever forgive the most unforgivable sin
The murder of Love!

Betrayal (for Brian)

I thought you would never leave me
I thought you would never lie,
I wish I could just die.
How could you play me this way?
Why would you not tell me instead?
You should had set me free and just let me be!
How could you live with yourself?
How could you look at her face and tell her that you love her?
when you know you should of just told her.
Why drag me along, when you know you were wrong?
You told me you loved me, you told me that you cared.
I believed you because I was scared.
Afraid to loose my lover, not knowing it was all over.
Where was she all this time, when I was sure you were mine?
You promised her eternity, but you could not give me an alternative.
Why would you mark me this way,
you have left a stain that shames my last name.
Because my love for you was so strong.
I thought I could never hate you but I guess I was wrong,
All I can do now is sit and analyze
And hope one day you would realize.
That I did not deserve this and you should have told me.
Today I move on with a heart made of stone,
All I can say I wish I had known.

How can I forget? (for Brian)

That very first day that we met--
Its a feeling I'll never forget.
All the experiences that we've shared,
I knew right away that you were rare.

You see, it's hard to find a someone like you,
Usually they're too good to be true.
Though I should've entered with more ration,
But with you I felt so much passion.

I wish those things had never happened.
It feels as though my love's been abandoned.
All I wanted was to make you happy,
So why is it that I have to feel so crappy?

I want nothing more than for us to move on,
But it's so hard now that the trust is gone.
I want to get past this, I really do...
What can I do to make you be true?

My love for you is like an undying flame.
And I once wished for our love to remain.
Do you remember that day, the day that it snowed?
Its the day that I wished for our love to grow.

You hurt me that night, you need to know that you did.
And I need you to know that I can forgive.
But I'm really struggling with trying to forget,
Because I still feel the same as that first day we met.

Never Again (for Tim)

I want to tell you all my secrets,
what lays beneath these brown eyes

If I were to tell you,
for me you would despise

For I know things no person should know
For I do things that should lay buried beneath snow.
I hate having to look at you with such coldness,
because I know it will leave only bitterness.
When I speak to you about my feelings you push me away,
you don't know and realize you do,
but oh it hurts and I want you to hurt to.
My attitude reflexes only me
Shall I carry on an attitude, look, just let me be,
leave it alone let the matter be,
because the reason I have an attitude is because I'm tired of being me.
For when I speak to you
I want you to feel the coldness of my heart too.
You don't and may not realize that this poem is dedicated to you,
Really its only a stress reliever,
for the pain you should feel to I hate you so much,
why I don't know
Honestly my love, its maybe frustration and pain that is time for me to let go.
When you tell me to do something that seems like it is only in your interest,
you push me further away from doing it,
because its just seems pointless.
Just please leave me alone,
don't talk to me because honestly,
never again shall I speak.

Anymore (for Mr. B)

I waited on your kiss,
your warm embrace;
I waited on your lips and the way your hands twist.
I waited on your excuse,
I waited on your apology,
I waited on your eyes to look into mine,
but guess what. . . . .
I'm not waiting anymore,
I'm over you,
I'm through with you,
I don’t want you nor do I need you,
I have a line of guys waiting to replace you.
Don’t be fooled baby love,
I'm not waiting on you,
now I'm waiting to choose the next guy that will replace you,
don’t get me wrong I am not angry at you,
I’m not holding a grudge against you,
I just don’t like you.
So I am not waiting anymore,
I'm not waiting on your kiss,
I'm not waiting on your lips,
I'm not waiting on your hands to twist,
boy please I'm not waiting anymore.

What happened to that? (for Russ)

Every time I look at him I see your face.
It turns my stomach just thinking of how much I miss you and why.
you treated me so badly.
Only God knows why I still have feelings for you.
I love you and I was waiting for that special day to hear you say I Do,
What happened to that?
We were supposed to run off into the sunset together.
I guess fairy tales don't exist.
What the hell was I thinking?
The thought of you being with someone else,
treating them better than you did disgusts me.
Why are they so different?

Blog Change of Plans for this month

So I was writing about friendships this month... well, that is changing now because some people I called friends are no longer my friends and I have been cleaning house. So I figured I would post some poems now about bad friends or loves gone wrong.

The names of those are not used but initials... personally I dont care if you figure out who its about. I see it this way, freedom of speech.

Gina

Always There (for Anna)

Whenever I needed someone to talk to
You were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and
You were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt
to come to you because
You were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.

Whenever I was down and blue
You were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrong
You were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing matters
You were always there.

Now your gone, and I don't know what to do
I close my eyes and think of you, and how
You were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you
Can you hear me now
At night I pray, and I speak to you
I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were
You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye

Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you
One thing I will always say is
You were always there.

Could you be the one for me? (for Mr. B)

Could you be the one for me?
Could you be my find?
Could it be, after all this time,
Fate is going to be kind?

Could you be the one for me,
The one to help me forget
The man that broke my heart, my soul
The man that haunts me yet?

You tell me that I'm beautiful
Something I've never heard
But the one still lives here in my mind
That couldn't spare a kind word

It's going to be hard to forget
And pick up the pieces he left
Could you be the one to teach
How to love again and forget?

Could you be the one to come
And mend my broken heart?
Are you willing to piece together
What another broke apart?

It won't be an easy job, you see
My road has been long and rough
And the heart that was once so soft
Is now shut, locked, and tough

But I can feel my heart open again
It's opening for you
Just come in, and love me back
That's all you have to do

I must ask you one small thing
Before we kiss and part
Please be nice and kind to me
I'm tired of broken hearts

My Special Friend (for Mr. B)

Sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I feel blue
but whenever I see you, I'm as happy as can be
for you bring a smile upon my face
and a feeling of joy within my heart
you're like my sunshine in the morning
and my stars that glow at night
you're like the waves in the ocean
the cool breeze in the wind
like the call of the birds in the morning dew
like the sounds of beauty in the night
you see all of these things are of beauty and love
that's how I feel whenever you are near
for it was the passion and desire from both of us
that opened up the world for our eyes to see
for our love of each other will grow and grow
and our needs and desires will be more everyday
for a friend you once were and will always be
has turned into love as it should have been
so I want you to know as a friend and lover
that in my heart and arms you'll always stay
for our love for each other will never fade.

Better Untouched (for Mr. B)

And a smile grows in my face.
Just to remember the times,
When he could've been mine.

As he gives me a hug,
While he puts his arms around me.
I remember what I would've gave
To only have a chance with him.

But now I see him,
In a different light.
Yes, he still means the world to me,
But now its a different way.

His friendship means a lot to me,
Although we never had much anything else.
Now I see why God doesn't answer all prayers,
Because some things are left better untouched.

Your thoughts on me (for Brian written in 2007)

I think of you often
Do you think of me?
So sweet, so kind,
Do I even cross your mind?

I know your face in my mind,
I know your voice in my ears,
I think I know you,
Even through these years.

Are you my friend?
Are you my love?
That couldn't be,
You don't even see me.

I cry myself to sleep,
Every night my mind wanders,
If you're not the first thing,
You're the second thing on mind.

My eyes see you,
My heart aches,
For a love I assume,
Will someday bloom.

Who said friends could be lovers?
What were they thinking?
My love life, sinking or swimming?
It's sinking.

I am scared
I am afraid
My life right now
Is one big show.

Episode after episode,
Re- run after re- run
Why do I love you?
Let me show you.

When you are around me
So is the thought of her
I wish deeply
You weren't with she.

I have respect for a couple
What they share is beautiful
But what about the little people?
Whom you don't even see?

When you are my friend
I am yours
Your company completes me
Whenever you take the time.

To tell you the words
The three "easy" ones
I have to say,
And hard in a way.

Will you be calm?
Will you hate me after?
Will you be my friend?
Or will everything end?

With love, there's lust,
I lust for you,
I love you.
As for your thoughts on me?

Forbidden Pleasures... ~*~

Forbidden pleasures
Who makes the rules
Unfound treasures
And beautiful jewels

Can that line be crossed
What could we truly be
And at what cost
Do you see what I see
I know there is more there
Waiting to be found
Can you feel how much I care
I feel like I'm being drowned
If you knew the amount of desire
That I feel for you
My burning fire
That wants one to become two

Forbidden pleasures
Who makes the rules
Unfound treasures
And beautiful jewels

Forgive Me

To the ends of time I will love you my friend
Knowing that you're gone leaves me a bend

An angle to me you were so kind
Raising my sprits with ways I can not find

Over and over the days with you replayed
Loving you so much wished you would have stayed

I crossed a line which I know not fit
Now each day I die a little bit

An empty void replaces what I feel
Growing sadder and sadder, will I ever heal

From the feeling of love I felt for a friend

Can you see it in my eyes? (for Tim)

You don't know how I'm feeling.
I have yet to vocalize
Desire deep inside me.
Can you see it in my eyes?

I tremble when I'm near you
Heat travels up my thighs
and I want you with an urgency
That I just can't describe.

Dare I reach out to touch you?
Do you think you'd realize
How much I want and need you?
Can you see it in my eyes?

I long to say, "I love you,"
But am scared of your reply.
Terrified like a child
I've become paralyzed.

The camouflaged emotions
Lead to pain and silent cries.
And yet I just can't tell you.
Don't you see it in my eyes?

Confessing through this poem
My dilemma summarized.
The feeling's quite cathartic,
But will lead to my demise.

My Light

You know my most intimate mind
My vulnerable side
My gratitude
I cannot hide
Embracing
My secrets to confide
In you

And I can't deny

The change in me
You are a guarantee
To the highest degree

And I am forever grateful
I am forever blessed
With the comfort you suggest
You've always
Given me your best

I recall
Above all
When I first saw you
I knew

You were working
Consumed by walls of white
Yet you were
Uniquely bright

Sometimes...
Watching the way
You sit and ponder
Laughing as a silly thought
Enters you
Your smile explodes
and takes flight

Landing on me
And I catch it

Beautiful
Lucent
Pure
Secure
My cure...
... you are

My Angel (for Anna)

Today I sit underneath this tree, Next to this very stone!
I've been coming here for 1.5 years, All of which I’ve been alone!
I can still make out the writing, that lies above your grave!
In Loving Memory Of An Angel, and the blessings that she gave!
We met so long ago, Since then you've been my one and only true Best Friend!
I remember every second, Up until the very end!

I remember when I woke, Not knowing what to do!
The very first thing that came to my mind, was not myself but you!
You laid there just looking at me, as if it was your final glance!
I grabbed your hand, looked to the sky, and said, Please One More Chance.

I remember the day of the funeral, All of our family and friends!
I remember when the preacher said, When one life ends, a new begins!
Before they put you in this ground, I walked over to see you one last time!
I kissed your lips and held your hand, and One More Chance went through my mind!
I asked God Why not me, Why you, and what I did so wrong?
He said everything has purpose, And that life must be lived on!
So I live it on this very moment, Always remembering the day!
That God sent me My Angel, And then took her away!

You're There

You're always there
Whether Im happy or sad
You help me
To feel better when I'm mad

You cheer me up
When I feel blue
And you make me
Fresh and feeling new

I hope we never seperate
For I can't stop the pain
The misery of thinking
I might go insane