2011 November

I know I haven't written in some time. Been busy with work, but plan on adding more in days to come

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Broken *~*

Sometime life takes a spin…
we learn how to laugh,
cry and try to stay competent so we don’t hurt again…
When he said he loved me…
I thought that was the key…
not only to my heart,
but to a new beginning…
We met on several occasions…
sometimes for fun…
but all and all…
I thought it was a start to opening our hearts…
We shared our sorrows…
sometimes for hours,
but I realize he is not the same…
only when he is ready to play the game…
I’m not a game player…
and never will be…
he came to me to fill a void…
but then I fell in love with him and he walked away,
what can I say…
I can’t fix him nor will I try…
I guess we will never know what love we had even though we had a great time…
So here’s to you my love…
I wish you only the best…
cause you will never find anyone as good as what you had…

Hate ~*~

I HATE being patient, but I’ve got more of it than anyone else I know
I HATE having to put my self aside for something else,
but I care enough to do it
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately... this… Hate…
It sounds so weird to say it out loud… Hate…. It doesn’t have a nice feeling.
I HATE-
It’s just not me.
It’s not how I want to be.
It doesn’t sound right coming out of my mouth.
It doesn’t sound right swirling through my head
why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head.
I hate that…
there it is again,
lately It creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I’m tired.
I’m tired of being patient and putting myself second
second for you
I hate you
I don’t hate you.
I hate the power you seem to have over me
I hate that I can’t hate you.
I feel helpless,
The words echo through my head. They echo through the room.
The room
This room.
I hate this room.
The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.
the room in my head.
once my sanctuary. – now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I’m forced to sit in this damp windowless room.
there is no way out. Not yet anyways.
I have to wait.
wait - And be patient.
wait…
for you.

Letting Go And Holding On

Oh how I love life,
walking outside in spring and summer
and smelling the honeysuckle floating on the warm breeze.
Couples walking hand and hand,
smiles of happiness from being in love
owners walking their dogs,
kids laughing and playing,
birds chirping and singing all day long
each and everyday the world continues on.

I get tired of it's confusion
tired of the pain.
I'm tired of the emptiness from hearts I've parted from.
Tired of wishing for more but not knowing which way to turn
and sometimes too scared to look back.
To let go completely of yesterday,
and grasp a hold on the hope of tomorrow.
A hope that if tomorrow gets here, it won't be like yesterday.

Yesterday's holding on to the hope of a lost love
yesterday's disappointments of the same ol' routine
yesterday's wishing bills didn't exist
so there wouldn't be any living from check to check.
Yesterday's empty dreams of a fairy tail ending,
Wanting an end to all my struggling.
OH... holding onto the hope of tomorrow...

A tomorrow filled with pure happiness
knowing that this direction on the path is the one and only way...
Success.
A tomorrow filled with the reassurance that your headed for better days.
A tomorrow with a love that was sent to you from the heaven above that will only grow deeper and deeper as time goes by to last forever.
A tomorrow that will complete and fulfill yesterdays wants and dreams.
A tomorrow that will conquer all my hardships and troubles.

I grasp the thought of what wonderfulness tomorrow could bring.